- I really love the distinct personalities Jen and Ryan both have, I think they play off each other very well
- The beginning starts off a little slow, although it does set the mood for the tension between Jen and Ryan as well as build up some suspense
- Page 5 last paragraph “The wind starts to pick up, almost sounding like whispers in the distance.” I love the imagery here, it really adds to the tensions and suspense and spooky vibes you’ve been building up
- Page 7 para 2 “The night has never been more cold and lonely for the both of them.” I love this line! It really sums up how both characters are going through similar emotions despite such different situations
- Where do you think you’re going to go with this story? The cliff hanger you’ve left us on has so much potential for different routes the story could take
- I think the way you described how Jen constantly felt like she was being watched was very well done, especially in contrast with Ryan’s complete and utter nonchalance and lack of interest in the eyes.
