Your prose, yet again, is my favorite thing Pg 2 para 3 “They had gotten lost in each other, and were beginning to bring out the worst in each other.” I love this line, it really encompasses the toxicity in codependent relationships Was Asher okay with her seeing Noah? It seems like her spending so much time with Noah would have set Asher and his codependency off I love the way you formated this, especially pg 4 when Sophia told…
I love the banter that the two easily get into right off the bat There is a lot of mentioning of Jennifer’s blue eyes. I understand it is her defining feature but it gets a bit repetitive Jay’s flirtatiousness plays off really well with his inner monologue that is full of nervous energy You start the story out with Jay saying he remembers the first time he fell in love and it is in reference to Jennifer but he also…
Kind of has screenplay vibes and I am really digging it How were they able to drive so many hours longer without getting gas? I like the bond between Boston and Summer. They have gone through so much together and that is really clear in the writing Pg 6 ” ‘Boston, do you want me to go in with you?” Summer asks. “Yes.” Is all that Boston can say.” I’m not sure that how Boston’s dad reacted is completely believable….
The workshop for my second story went very well I think. Lots of people enjoyed the story and had very few critiques of it. The biggest critiques I got were the believability of the speed at which Billy and Violet took their relationship and the wrap-up for my story. I kind of understand how some people may have been iffy on the relationship speed but considering the timeline I personally don’t think they took things too quickly. I think it…
I love the title of the story, I think it fits it really well Your prose is amazing, it makes reading the story enjoyable despite the bitter-sweetness of it Pg 3 para 1 “Are you kidding me?” Jamie smugly rebutted, “I thought everyone loved Chainsawctopus! I mean, an octopus with chainsaws on its arms terrorizing a small town? Who else has the genius to come up with something like that.” Good comedic relief line, I love it. Also, 10/10 would…
I am absolutely obsessed with your prose. It’s dramatic and borderline pretentious but in the best way possible Pg 2 para 2 “As I got older, I stopped poking fires and started igniting them.” I feel like the plot gets a bit lost in the prose. Some people may find it difficult to stay engaged This story confused me a bit. I feel like there was so much real estate covered in the beginning that didn’t quite pertain to the…
I absolutely adore your prose. It makes reading your story so enjoyable Was it all a fever dream? or was it a vision? Is there supposed to be some sort of magical/mythical element to this? I love how you describe how the main character starts to feel more like themself the less the humanistic restraints are shed away This feels very cerebral and I love that I wish we got a bit more of an explanation for everything but I…
I love all of the descriptions you gave of the setting and scenery Tessa’s anxiety surrounding Peyton is very believable Pg 3 second to last para “That face, those eyes, those beautiful ocean blue eyes that I love and hate so much. That face of his is burned into my mind whether I like it or not.” I really like these lines, I think they encompass Tessa’s conflicted feelings very well Peyton seems like such a male manipulator kinda guy-…
How old is Barrie? I think you captured the feeling of hopelessness really well I really like how Delilah’s extroversion plays off of Barrie’s more introverted tendencies The cafeteria scene is very heartwarming and a good look into their friendship and the hope that Delilah brings to Barrie Pg 11 para 2: I think this is a very good portrayal of the feelings that Barrie would have in that moment This story is giving “The Fault in Our Stars” vibes…
I like how you started the story. It really set the tone and warned us of what was to come It is certainly difficult to love someone with addiction, I can understand the ups and downs that the couple went through but the solid love between them that persevered You portrayed the trauma of her going back to the house really well Pg 5 last para: I love the idea of the gifts under the pillow. Its certainly not pertinent…
