I absolutely adore your prose. It makes reading your story so enjoyable Was it all a fever dream? or was it a vision? Is there supposed to be some sort of magical/mythical element to this? I love how you describe how the main character starts to feel more like themself the less the humanistic restraints are shed away This feels very cerebral and I love that I wish we got a bit more of an explanation for everything but I…
I love all of the descriptions you gave of the setting and scenery Tessa’s anxiety surrounding Peyton is very believable Pg 3 second to last para “That face, those eyes, those beautiful ocean blue eyes that I love and hate so much. That face of his is burned into my mind whether I like it or not.” I really like these lines, I think they encompass Tessa’s conflicted feelings very well Peyton seems like such a male manipulator kinda guy-…
How old is Barrie? I think you captured the feeling of hopelessness really well I really like how Delilah’s extroversion plays off of Barrie’s more introverted tendencies The cafeteria scene is very heartwarming and a good look into their friendship and the hope that Delilah brings to Barrie Pg 11 para 2: I think this is a very good portrayal of the feelings that Barrie would have in that moment This story is giving “The Fault in Our Stars” vibes…
I like how you started the story. It really set the tone and warned us of what was to come It is certainly difficult to love someone with addiction, I can understand the ups and downs that the couple went through but the solid love between them that persevered You portrayed the trauma of her going back to the house really well Pg 5 last para: I love the idea of the gifts under the pillow. Its certainly not pertinent…
Right off the bat, I am kinda obsessed with how pessimistic the narrator is. I am hoping for pessimism to optimism arc Pg 2 second to last para: Is it realistic that he would be able to guess all of that simply by crashing into this girl? Seems a wee bit too spot on Pg 3 para 2 “Brutally honest, and don’t give a single fuck about what anyone thinks of you, which is either one of your only redeeming…
I think that Sammy and Brooke as characters play off of each other really well Pg 3 second para “Sammy placed her right hand on Brooke’s shoulder keeping her eyes on the road, eyes that were holding back tears of their own.” I love this moment of intimacy between Sammy and Brooke I love the moment that they changed their hair. Its a bit of a cliche like new hair new beginnings but its a cliche that I personally adore….
Again, your prose is absolutely beautiful. I am obsessed with they way you describe things pg 1 “Fur weaved through Adelaide’s fingertips like a tendril of shadows if darkness was made of silk as she gently stroked her hand along her rabbit, Pistachio’s, long, floppy ears.” pg 5 “She missed the smell of his leather-bound books and sitting in his lap by a peaceful fire while he looked down his long, aristocratic nose at paperwork” I love the flashbacks. They…
I like the time jump and how you gave us the location I like how absolutely enthralled the narrator is with Gwen, she is definitely a girl boss Pg 5 second to last para ” These movements were familiar. So familiar that memories began to creep into my head. So many bodies. Some of them were dead. Some were just knocked out. I didn’t know any of them, but one face was stuck in my head. A young boy, only…
When is this supposed to be taking place? I like the old-timey vibes a lot Is it realistic that two men would be able to dance with each other without fear of gossip? I like the bickering between Finn and Jonathon. They can’t stand to be together but can’t stand to be apart either The time jumps are good, but I feel we need some more tension because of them I wish we got more of a look into Finn’s…
You have such little lines sprinkled throughout that aren’t always super important to the story but I appreciate them so much! (A highlight reel for you viewing pleasure) Pg 1 para 1 ” She slapped her hand against mine, squeezing with such force even an alligator would be tamed.” Pg 3 para 1 “The bright white light emanating from the moon was intermittently covered with passing clouds and the steam rising from our warm breath in the cold November night.”…
