The imagery in your story is absolutely amazing, I’m OBSESSED The way you portray the hemming and hawing she is going through in her mind is very well done Page 3 first para “The answer is in the painting if I can only dare picture the image” one of my fav lines in your story (there are so many great lines, though) At points, it feels like the story is dragging a little bit. Perhaps cut out some of the…
I love the distinct voices you have created for both characters Page 3, para 2 “I closed my door…in the moment.” I love the inner turmoil portrayed in these lines The joking coping mechanism He has is very believable and relatable Page 5 last paragraph, it feels like it ends a bit abruptly. I kind of want to hear more about what’s going on inside her head in this moment THE LAST LINE IS SO GOOD I love the contrast…
Absolutely obsessed with the prose, especially page 3 para 1 “…made by people who just wanted to remember and be remembered.” that line is my favorite in the story How far in the future after humans have died out/evolved is this story taking place? Is it realistic that humans would be a myth, especially with record keeping, technology, etc? Would love to see Stephan’s job explained a bit more, I feel like that could really help elevate him as a…
Love the characterization of Alex and the slow deterioration of their mental state but there still being an underlying sense of hope throughout (albeit a tiny amount at the end) was very well done Some parts were a bit slow and over-explained (like the opening paragraph we discussed in class) so maybe go through and cut out some frivolous parts I think the presence (or lack thereof in the end) of Percy and the dialogue between him and Alex portrays…
Really love the voice that Q has, the overthinking is very relatable for me The imagery was SUPER well done Pg 2, paragraph 3 “They’re a lot taller than me…talking to the dog.” I’d watch for run-ons. This part seems like it could be split up into a couple of sentences to be easier to read Make sure to watch for tenses (seemed to switch a little between past and present tense throughout the story) Perhaps make the passage of…
