The way you describe everything is amazing. I could really envision the kitchen and all the sensory aspects that come with it Trevor, as a character, is very believable. I think we can all relate to the obsessive nature of having a crush and then the subsequent jealousy that arises when they get or give attention to anyone but you One of my favorite lines that you have is pg 5 para 4 “If cooking doesn’t work out for me,…
I really love the voice that the narrator has, it seems to be very relatable and believable Your prose is amazing. Reading this story was so satisfying from a lyrical standpoint Going along with that ^^^ the way you’ve written the way Seb lives in his mind and is prone to overthinking is done very well Pg 3 first full paragraph: change “dead” to “day” in the second sentence I love people watching. I love how easily Seb is swept…
I absolutely love your prose. The way you write reads so beautifully and lyrical I love Mystic. Such a good setting! Pg 2 para 2 “She has never opened up to me about the pain she endures because of it. I leave it that way because I know she does not want me to know. She seems happy enough, so I don’t worry.” Let her keep the facade of the sun even though she’s cloudy inside? I love the dynamic…
I really appreciate the way the narrator sees the world. They say they aren’t poetic like their wife, yet the way they view things can only be described as poetic I think you portrayed their love very, very well. It isn’t just a flat overarching kind of love, it’s the kind thats deep and fluid and real THE ENDING!!!! OUCH, MY HEART!!!! You have some lines that are absolutely beautiful! One of my favorites has got to be pg 5…
I like how you gave the background in the beginning, it didn’t drag on or distract from the main plot and it gave us necessary info to understand the rest of the story The back and forth in the main character’s mind in the beginning is very believable. On the one hand, he wants to save Johnny, on the other hand, his self-preservation is screaming at him to turn back Pg 3 last paragraph leading into page 4 “The distant…
Right off the bat, the imagery is amazing. The way you describe things is so beautiful it truly does paint a picture right in my mind I can’t decide if Derek’s obsession with this woman is sweet or creepy (low key giving Joe from “You” vibes) You really captures what it’s like to be an introvert in the city. The juxtaposition of the ever changing, constantly moving city against the solitary and stagnant Derek is done so well I like…
I really love the distinct personalities Jen and Ryan both have, I think they play off each other very well The beginning starts off a little slow, although it does set the mood for the tension between Jen and Ryan as well as build up some suspense Page 5 last paragraph “The wind starts to pick up, almost sounding like whispers in the distance.” I love the imagery here, it really adds to the tensions and suspense and spooky vibes…
I really love the way you utilized the descending/indented (idk how to phrase it) lines throughout the story. It’s a super cool choice I like the inner monologue that Argyle has, it feels very realistic as to how one might react in the situation I like how empathetic Argyle is to the ants, especially how it ties in with how she feels about herself. Perhaps she see’s herself as an ant in a way? Or are the ants her way…
I really like the conflict that Flo has within herself Pg 5, final paragraph: “I never wanted to be the person I had become.” This line really speaks to me, I feel like it shows how Flo is really critical of how she feels, yet she is following her heart despite that. I think you did a really great job with the characterizations of the two main characters. Flo is head over heels for Lincoln but is still trying to…
Page 1 para 2, perhaps this could be split into a couple of sentences for a smoother and easier read Love the way you have written in the mythical elements like they just belong in the story and not like they’re just plopped in for wow factor The way Oliver’s anxiety is written is very relatable and believable Page 5, perhaps you could make the switch between Oliver’s POV and Isaac’s POV a bit more clear Will you be adding…
